I just finished reading Jonathan Safran Foer's " Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close". My life is so less complicated than these characters. It was complicated early on but somewhere along the way, I found my way. I don't know how but I'm very grateful.
I think about the pain from my first marriage and now , 40 years later, the great joy of the fruits of that marriage - a grandson who kisses me and smiles sweetly and is discovering life. I delight in his discoveries.
But what good has come from the pain of 9/11? I don't go there in my mind because if I do, there is great sadness - that time and then the aftermath. But I am in that place this morning. Remembering the people with pictures and signs, looking for their loved ones. The great sorrow of all those fallen people. My father saw this kind of destruction in WWI. He was a brave man with 2 bronze stars to his credit and he carried the war with him every day until his 86th year. I always felt safe because he had fought the war but seeing 9/11 brought some of his horrors to my doorstep - only 1 generation away from him - too soon.
I watched on TV our troops invading Iraq. It was very dusty - long lines of tanks, hour after hour. In my heart I thought, there must be a very good reason for our country to do this and do it in such magnitude. As I watched, I thought, surely the President would not take us to this place unless he was absolutely sure that the weapons of mass destruction existed. And then there was none. What else is there to say about that? It's like going down a road, knowing that you took a wrong turn a few miles back, but you keep going because you think the right road will show up if you just keep going. And finally either you are hopelessly lost or you turn around and recover the same ground to get back on track. But there was no turning back from Iraq. Once something is torn apart, then you can't walk away from it and leave it in ruins - especially a country. I feel we are hopelessly lost sometimes. What is there to do but to go forward with the best of intentions to find your way.
There's no undoing the suffering or loss for anyone involved as there is no way of undoing our personal losses and suffering. Once hurt, the pain remains. But there is moving forward. And there is finding our way. There is much healing to be achieved. And I know for a fact that healing happens and happiness comes. It's not out of great suffering that happiness comes, but in spite of it.
For me, right at this moment, the happiness is the thought of that little grandson, waking up in his crib, smiling at the face over him, kicking his little legs - so glad to see whomever it is he sees. He's crawling now! Such a little thing, to bring such joy.
And I am sure that we will all find our way.
